He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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