i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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