i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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