There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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