I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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