I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
