But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
