The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
