I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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