Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
