so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
