when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
