I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
