You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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