he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
