it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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