When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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