My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
