I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
