my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
