Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
