Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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