Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
