How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
