I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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