Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
