He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
