All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
