it wasn't lemon gatorade
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
