i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
