No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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