FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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