i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
