Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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