i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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