Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She even gives head with a lisp.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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