i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
