I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
