We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
