So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
