I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
