she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
