My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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