they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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