and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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