He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
