i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
