I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
