I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
