My sheets look like a crime scene.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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