Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Randomize
