we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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