eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
