Kareoke will never be a sober sport
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
