I'm so fucking centered right now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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