That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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