i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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