Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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