i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
