At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had sex bonerless
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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