if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My balls are so social today.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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